Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Never Again, But Probably Tomorrow

Today we are going to talk about feeling sorry for ourselves.

This happens all the time, especially in "these economic times". Sometimes the world hands you lemons, and you really want lemonade, but instead the lemons sit there and rot and get fat and depressed and you blame everyone else for it, when the truth was, you were the one who wanted that lemonade the most.

To further illustrate just what it is I am talking about, let's go directly to the source of two different women, feeling equally bad for themselves, and their brave and life changing realization of how to make their lives better.

Debbie and Marlene have never met. Debbie lives on an unspecified coast of the United States and Marlene lives in the Great White North. These women have never met and are most likely very different. What they do share is a self-loathing pit in their subconscious and the want to make themselves better humans. They are also similar in the fact that they both found the same way to abolish that nasty little voice in their brain.

Enter Julia Smith (obviously not her real name). Julia has something to gripe about. She was attacked and severely disfigured by a chimp. The chimp ripped off her nose, mouth, eye and hands. This is what she looks like:


Debbie read about Julia Smith here and vowed that she didn't think she could ever feel sorry for herself ever again.

Marlene felt a bit more of a connection, as she was able to relate it back to her life. See, Marlene wanted to lose weight and instead gained 7 pounds! But don't worry people. She is taking what happened to Julia here as her motivation to lose that weight. That's right. Start polishing that Nobel Peace Price, cause Marlene here is gonna take it home; right after she loses that 7 pounds.

Let's face it, these women are going to feel bad for themselves time and time again for the remainder of their life. This is not to say that they are not going to think of Julia and try to feel less sorry for themselves, but the truth is they will feel for themselves. Plus, the world is a depressing place. Did these women really never take any other human into consideration prior to this chimp attack? The homeless in America/Canada. The starving and struggling nations of Africa. The thousands of people who were struggling to survive Hurricane Katrina. Does anyone remember 9/11, cause you said you'd never forget.

Horrible things happen in the world on a second to second basis. You see it happen, you react, and sadly, you get over it and go back to whining over the fact that you only have an iPod Video and not an iPod Touch, especially in America. This is how we roll.

Listen up Debbie and Marlene, it is adorable that the two of you have taken one woman's real tragedy and are trying to use it as your mantra to live a better life, but in the words of Kevin Bacon, Get Serious. You don't need the tragedy of a complete stranger to make you motivated or to make you feel less sorry for yourself. Gather some fucking self respect and self motivation and accept the fact that you gained that weight and all you need is your own discomfort and motivation to not eat that doughnut and take a walk around the block once in a while. Don't make Julia Smith your martyr - she didn't die for you to lose weight or to feel sorry for yourself, fuck, she didn't even die.

I'll end with two bits of advice for Debbie and Marlene:
1. research your planet and the people who live on it. Believe it or not, there are people that have it worse than Julia.
2. Grow a pair and be your own worse enemy. There are going to be a thousand more Julia's and let's not make their lives pitiful by using them as a catalyst to Martha Stewart your life.

Debbie and Marlene - PUH-leeze!